3.28.2009

Love Letters from a Savior

After hearing our news of losing the twins, one of my close friends emailed to share what she had recently learned in her bible study. A girl had shared that when she cried out to God for hope, guidance or in pain- she asked him to send her love letters. We both loved this analogy! In my friend's words, "His love letters to us are all around us every day, things that we can see and touch- that God has given us as gifts."

Immediately, I saw Scott and Carter as love letters to me. They bring me joy and love beyond what I can even articulate. Despite the pain of losing five babies, Scott and I can look at Carter and know that we will still feel incredibly blessed even if he is the only child we ever have on earth.

As I surveyed my life over the last couple of weeks, I have seen God writing more love letters to me in various fashions and through numerous channels.

Some of these love letters have come through books. Jesus Calling, a devotional by Sarah Young, consists of daily "letters" written to the reader from the viewpoint of Jesus. Some of these letters have resonated so deeply with my pain and struggles that I felt like Jesus was truly talking directly to me, validating my hurts and reminding me of His love and faithfulness.

God has used people to send his love letters. Notes, emails, meals, flowers, prayers, and phone conversations from family and friends have brought incredible comfort and sweetness! Scott and I have felt so loved, and the outpouring of support and prayers has been a beautiful image of God's family and His abounding love.

While I watched for God to perform something big during my pregnancy, He did something just as great in my loss. A woman who had prayed with me a few weeks ago sent an email with what she felt were God's words to me. It is too personal to share here, but it was written as a letter to me, reminding me of His love and presence and of His great plan for my life. Reading it three times in a row, I just bawled. I NEEDED to hear that He loved me so deeply and was with me. Yet, within minutes, I began doubting that the words were really from Him. So what did our Great God do?? He gave the SAME message to another woman who disciples me! Abbie called a couple of hours later, delivering the same message and terminology of how God was specifically going to use this trial in my life, how He loved me, not to push Him away, etc. Quite honestly, I was blown away!

I have to admit my tendency to become very skeptical when someone says God has spoken to them. But I can vividly remember numerous times when the Holy Spirit imprinted on my mind or heart a passage of Scripture, an image, a specific thought, even a gentle rebuking! No, I didn't audibly hear His voice. But the messages were unmistakably from Him. I was reminded this week of one such instance...it occurred after our 2nd miscarriage. I was full of tears and without words. Sitting on my bed, I placed my Bible in my lap and just cried out to God, "Lord, I don't even know what to say or ask." The following passage came to mind, and I flipped open to read this:
Psalm 63:6-8
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Mind you, I had never read this psalm before! With sudden clarity, I knew that God was trying to say, "Kelley, I am so pleased that you are simply remembering Me as you sit on your bed and grieve. Let me remind you of my strength and faithfulness to uphold you if you continue to seek Me as your Helper and Comforter."  I love how He always meets you wherever you're at.

And finally, a sweet acquaintance from college found my blog, and having also just experienced a miscarriage recently, directed me to a website called Sarah's Laughter. This amazing ministry provides support, resources, devotionals, encouragement, and prayer groups for women facing infertility or child loss. It's hard to see shared heartaches as evidence of God's love. But I believe He demonstrates His love to us by connecting people who can relate to each other's experience, allowing us to see that we're not alone in our situation. I have a couple of friends whom I have connected with simply through our shared experiences of miscarriages, and it has been so validating and uplifting to walk through our grief together.

Maybe you will find some of these resources as a love letter from God to you. We all experience painful times...breakups, deaths, infertility, job loss, divorce, affairs, illness, and various trials. I am not sure I could endure the hard times if I didn't know the love and peace that comes from my Savior, Jesus Christ. He truly SAVES me day by day from despair, isolation, bitterness, anxiety, and all the consequences of living in that darkness. I hope that this analogy of love letters from our Savior will help all of us recognize the message God sends us through His gifts and blessings. We are indeed loved by the Creator of the universe and the Author of life. And at the end of a difficult, tear-filled, heart-wrenching day....that makes all the difference in the world to me.

With love and gratitude,

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4 comments:

Michelle and Jeremy said...

what an amazing blog and testimony to Our Lord. I am so glad to hear your thoughts. love you! Michelle

Brittany said...

I love this Kelley. What a reminder of His constant love for us during ALL times.....good and bad.
I too, feel that He has given me strength through those who surround me and the the beautiful friends (including you!) that I have connected with since this experience.

I was listening to Jill Phillips today and this song touched me to the core. It reminds me of your post....His love letters reminds us of the "Good Things" He has given us.

Here are the lyrics: "All the Good Things"

Every once in a while the world stops spinning enough
That I can take a step back and get the picture
I see the twists and the turns, I see the patterns they form
I see how perfect they are and I remember

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things you’ve done for me

Though the feeling is real I know it’s fleeting to feel
One day I’ll forget you are here and start to wonder
In that season of doubt, You’ll still be showering me
With blessings I can’t see, that can’t be numbered

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things You’ve done for me

Forgive me for my shortsighted look at this world
Where you keep proving that you know what you’re doing

If I could see like you do with your perspective view
The fires I’m walking through would look much different
I’d see those difficult days for who they made me become
And I would count them among

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things You’ve done for me

(go here to listen: http://www.jillphillips.com/albums)
______________________________________

I thank God for all the "good things" in my life, especially our newly found friendship.

With much love and prayers,
Brittany

Liz Terrell said...

Kelley, Your words are so encouraging! I was also given the Sarah's Laughter web site, today (thanks Michelle) and have looked at it briefly. Thanks for your encouragement.

LIZ

The Hoppers said...

I just wanted to let you know that you and Scott are in my prayers. Love you!