5 Months and Growing!

Dear Carter,

Yesterday, your daddy and I were looking at pictures of you from your first couple of months. We could hardly believe how different you now look and how you have changed!

This month, you progressed in several areas. First of all, you had your first solid food, rice cereal, and loved it. You began taking formula to supplement your meals, and you even held your bottle by yourself for the first time! You are so close to sitting up by yourself, and you have made some elementary efforts to crawl. Sometimes those arms just get stuck underneath you. You have been curious about things around you for a while, but you have just started reaching out and grabbing objects (in addition to toys). And, of course, they go straight into your mouth.We haven't had any accidents yet, but I have decided to no longer drink my coffee when I am holding you or to wear dangling earrings. Once you get a hold, I literally have to pry your fingers off the object. This morning, you reached for me for the first time. I think you saw me and thought "umm...breakfast." But I loved it all the same!

When I pick you up, you have also started giving a laugh of glee or satisfaction with a deep, grunt-like "heh heh." And you still love to open your mouth really wide when you're excited. You are too funny my little man! And maybe even a bit manipulative....one night I thought you were really crying. When I picked you up out of your crib, you gave your deep laugh and smiled as if to say "Gotcha!"

One of your favorite new games is airplane with Daddy. You must have some strong ab muscles because you hold out your legs behind you for a long time!

You are quite a wiggle worm, kicking those strong legs continuously just as you did in the womb. But this last week, much to my delight, you decided that maybe cuddling isn't so bad after all. I sat you in my lap in the big yellow chair in your room and sang some songs. Leaning back in my arm, you just stared up at me (and at times tried to grab my moving lips with your hands), studying my face and listening intently. We cuddled and sang together several times this week. For me, those moments were very special and ones that I hope we can experience over and over.

You have just discovered how to be affectionate, and when you wrap your arms tightly around our necks, we feel like everything is right in the world. You also try to kiss our cheeks (or more like "gum" us). We love it!

You still enjoy putting anything and everything in your mouth. Especially your feet. You have impressed many relatives and friends with your flexibility.

You also like to hear yourself chatter. Your latest game is to see how loud and high you can make your voice go. When we were at the doctor's office last week, you let out a short, shrill scream, causing all of the nurses in the hallway to either jump or spin around. Your big grin showed that you were very proud of yourself!

This month has probably been the most challenging for us. While you took to formula right away, your allergic reaction took a few days to develop. The doctor thought at first that you had a stomach bug. A week and half and four formulas later (not to mention, numerous scary episodes of vomiting up to four times in a minute), it was decided that you were having an allergic reaction to the formulas. We now have you on the gentlest and most basic formula, Similac Alimentum, and you seem to be handling it okay. We are so thankful that the sickness and rashes were not symptoms of a more serious problem.

It sounds cliche, but our love for you grows stronger and deeper with each passing day. The intensity and physical impact of this love can be best described by the following passage out of my favorite book, A Severe Mercy. The author, Sheldon Vanauken, wrote:

"He remembered as though it were but a few days ago that winter night, himself too young even to know the meaning of beauty, when he had looked up at a delicate tracery of bare black branches against the icy glittering stars: suddenly something that was, all at once, pain and longing and adoring had welled up in him, almost choking him. He had wanted to tell someone, but he had no words, inarticulate in the pain and glory. It was long afterwards that he realized that it had been his first aesthetic experience. That nameless something that had stopped his heart was Beauty. Even now, for him, 'bare branches against the stars' was a synonym for beauty." (p.16)

Many beautiful visions have seemingly stopped my heart....a sunset in Key West, the sparkling water at Lake Martin, the snowcapped peaks of the Tetons, the American Ballet Theatre performing Romeo and Juliet, your daddy waiting for me at the altar on our wedding day. You, my dear child, have also stopped my heart on more than one occasion. The beauty of your life arouses such an intense emotion, it sometimes causes my heart to almost physically hurt, as Vanauken so accurately described. A mother's love is powerful indeed, a synonym for beauty. And I feel blessed to have a taste of it.

Happy 5 Months, Carter!

Love,
Mommy