Hellos and Goodbyes

**Warning....very long post!

Yesterday morning (Wednesday) started off with a call from our guide that we would have to postpone our orphanage visit due to the rain. In other words, the new director doesn't like families to visit the social welfare institute at all. So we had a free morning to play in the hotel and do some more crafts. LiYun took a nap along with Carter and Grace. And then it was time to visit LiYun's foster family.

We loved meeting her foster parents and her foster brother's wife (the brother had left to go back to the city he now works in). They were very warm and offered us tea and fresh fruit. You'll see in the pictures Carter's toothpick and pineapple creation, the family, and LiYun's room. Her room was the width of the twin mattress with about 3 feet from the end of it where you could stand or sit on a stool. But small as it was, I loved being able to see where she has slept for years and spent her time.

LiYun's room at foster family home

We were able to ask the parents questions through David, and we learned a good bit about our daughter. We discovered she has always been very sensitive about not having parents, and she has also been jealous of other girls from school having more than she did. So it made much more sense to us that she had asked if we could help her buy small gifts for her two best friends. Giving them gifts means that she now has a family...she has means to offer presents to them.

We were also told a story about LiYun when she was around 8 or 9 years old. A neighbor asked her where she was from. She replied that she didn't know. He asked her who her parents were, and she said she didn't know and that she was an orphan. After asking her several times, she said, "You have asked me this three times in one week. What is the significance of this?" And from that point on, she began working very hard in school to prove that she could succeed despite being an orphan.


LiYun was very tickled by the discovery that her new parents are younger than her foster brother (Scott is one year younger than him). LiYun's foster mom told her that because I am younger, there is not as big of a generation gap between us and that maybe she could communicate more with me.

The foster parents have done a wonderful job of raising LiYun. One of the risks of adopting older kids is that their values and personality are already molded when you become their parents. We are amazed by LiYun's manners, maturity, and sweet spirit. She always carries the groceries or bags for me. She takes the kids to wash their hands or get dressed. She expresses gratitude for everything we give her. And she even told David to tell us that she is a "traditional girl." Meaning that she isn't into being wild and crazy. That was certainly good to hear!

On the way to visit the family, we talked about inviting the parents to dinner, and David said he would make a reservation at a nice restaurant. Knowing that we would be footing the bill, LiYun told David "Only if it's okay with Mommy and Daddy, and no place too expensive."

After our visit at the apartment, we all got into the van to head to dinner. LiYun and I were the first ones to climb in. And before anyone else got in, she turned to me and asked, "Are you happy?" I am not sure whether she was wondering if I was happy with her, or with her foster parents, or what. But she seemed to need reassurance. Several minutes later, she said, "Mommy, I am very happy."

I was surprised that LiYun was not more emotional when we parted with her foster family outside the restaurant. David said that she cried a bit on Monday and that she had already told them all she wanted to say on that day. I was also surprised that she stayed closer to me during the whole afternoon and evening. I guess I expected her to want to stick close to her foster parents. They were certainly shaken up by the reality of losing the girl they've raised for the last 7 years. Scott later told me that on the way to dinner, both the dad and mom wiped a few tears away.

Scott and me with LiYun's foster parents

This morning, we had a quick visit at the Nanning Social Welfare Institute where LiYun spent 3 years before foster care. She had the chance to say goodbye to a few friends who are still there. Her foster parents showed up to visit, wanting to see all of us one last time. LiYun seemed a little shocked to see them again. I asked her tonight if she thought we were leaving her when she saw them there at the SWI. She said no. And on the electronic translator, she wrote, "I will never leave you. I will not run away. Therefore, I invite you to rest assured."

I have told her over and over again that it's okay to be sad with all the big changes. And she repeatedly assures me that she is not sad. David warned me that she might be "performing" for us, fearing that if she shows sadness, we will not keep her. This may very well be true. But I also think she is so focused on moving forward and having a family that she isn't grasping the magnitude of what's happening. I think she may end up grieving more in a few weeks or months. However, I also think the foster parents did a good job of preparing her.

On the way back to the hotel from the SWI, we stopped by her finding place to snap a few photos. Since it was raining, only David and Noelle got out to take the pictures. David said he had not told her what we were doing and that we could tell her about her finding place when the right time came. However, as we were waiting in the van, she got out the electronic translator and this is what the translated messages said.... "This transport center where I was discarded?" My heart stopped when I read those words. I showed it to David as he got back in the van, and he was astounded that she had put it all together. LiYun is a very observant and perceptive girl. I was glad she asked though because we were able to have a brief but good discussion. I told her how much her parents loved her to leave her in a place where she could quickly be found and have access to opportunities for a better life. I asked her if she remembers anything about that day (she was 22 months old), and she doesn't.

LiYun's finding spot

This afternoon and evening, LiYun spent time with her two best friends from her school. They came back to our hotel to watch a movie and play. It was so neat to see LiYun laughing and being silly with the girls. She seemed so confident while in her element. And she was clearly proud to present the gifts and show them her new belongings (not to mention, her new brother and sister). They also ate through ALL of our snacks. :)

Scott and I were faced with our first "big" tween-parenting decision when they asked us (through David) if they could go window shopping in the adjoining mall by themselves. We had no idea what the mothers allow their kids to do. With the input of David, we ended up letting them go on their own for an hour. We gave her a small amount of money. And they came back with lollipops for Carter and Grace. :) The two friends were very sweet and had even called David on his cell phone over the last few days to make sure LiYun was doing okay. (She had called them from our hotel room, but I guess they wanted to be sure she wasn't just pretending to be okay.)


I have to admit that by 8:00 pm, I was ready to have my girl back. I loved that she was able to hang out with her friends one last time before we leave, but I also sensed the "I have to be cool in front of my friends" attitude. She was still very respectful but I just missed having her to myself. I realized how much I enjoy her company. The girls were getting pretty rowdy about this time, and it was getting late. So David took them home, and LiYun played UNO with Scott, Noelle and me. She seemed down at first, but she told me that saying goodbye to them was good because she was "departing for something better."

I have felt pretty emotional today. I got choked up saying goodbye to the foster parents this morning. And I just watched LiYun walk around the hotel room taking pictures so that she will remember it. I feel like we've just gotten over jet lag and got settled with our new daughter in this hotel room, and now we have to pack up and fly out tomorrow to Guangzhou (which will be LiYun's first flight). I am emotional about taking LiYun from her friends, family, and the city that has been home to her for 12 years. And I am surprised at the depth of love I already feel for this girl. I didn't think I would love her so much so soon. She has certainly made it easy because she communicates a lot with me. She is polite, helpful, affectionate, and considerate. There is so much more to learn about her, but I am anxious to discover the good, the bad, and everything in between.

She wore her hair down today (like I wore mine last night) and
didn't pin back her bangs...she looks so grown up to me!

I apologize for such a long and rambling post. I am so tired that my sentences may not even make sense. I feel like I am leaving out so many details, but I will include them tomorrow if they come to mind. Thank you for your continued prayers and encouraging words. We are humbled beyond belief by your comments. It is a joy to travel this road with you.

Much love,

Kelley

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