Breakthrough - Update to Breaking Point post

I've been meaning to write this update to Breaking Point for several weeks, but life has kept us in a whirlwind. Over the last few weeks....

• We traveled to Kentucky for the funeral of Scott's aunt (Her death was not completely unexpected as she had been sick for a while, but losses are never easy to handle.)
• Julie (Scott's sister) finally got a GOOD report after 8 surgeries related to her breast cancer. YAY! She was finally cleared to begin chemo and had her 1st treatment this past Wednesday. Three more to go....she is a fighter.
• Carter had another anaphylactic attack and an emergency trip to the doctor (and this time he vomited 3x in the car...ahh!).
• I had a catscan and an endoscopy all in one week. Catscan was to check my sinuses after several months of problems. All of the congestion and pressure had been on the right side only, so they were checking for polyps. They're finally looking clear after 3 weeks of antibiotics and steroids...yay! Endoscopy was to check whether I have celiac disease (an auto-immune disease that's been linked to multiple miscarriages). Our fertility specialist had recommended that I be tested months ago, so I decided to get it done before heading to China. The blood test, which is supposed to be 99% accurate, showed me testing positive for 1 out of the 4 antibodies. So instead of a simple "yes" or "no," I got a maybe. This is rare, but I wasn't surprised. I seem to always have ambiguous medical diagnosis. Should find out something tomorrow. If I do indeed have it, I have to cut out all grains, glutens, flour, etc. out of my diet. FOREVER. And yes, I've already made a mental checklist of all the restaurants I'd hit before making the change.
• My dear friends threw a baby "sprinkle" to honor me and Grace. (This is a new saying...shower the first baby, sprinkle the second. "Squirt" the 3rd? That's my guess.) :)
• As already posted, we received Article 5!!! Waiting anxiously for the Travel Approval to come.
• And one of the most important updates, Carter has had a huge breakthrough in his behavior AND his parental preference phase!! (Or so I call it.)
  

I have seen some major changes in him over the last few weeks. To start, I really believe your prayers made a difference. Immediately following the Breaking Point post, Carter lost some of his aggression and extreme moodiness, and even began showing me attention when Scott was around.

As many of you reminded me, toddlers go through phases. And while I knew Carter's rejection of me was indeed a phase, I wasn't really convinced it would ever end. Over the last few weeks, Carter has wanted me to sit and play more, to bathe him, to read him his bedtime story...even when his daddy has been home. He has been very loving and has been more like his normal self from pre-October 2009. Have I mentioned that he gives the BEST hugs?

Interestingly, Carter also went through a brief attachment phase recently. He began bawling when I dropped him off at Mother's Day Out. He would cling to me and cry hysterically when his beloved babysitter came on bible study night. And even at play group where I wasn't going to leave, he stayed by my side and kept requesting "home." When picking him up from MDO two weeks ago, it melted my heart when he looked at me in the eyes with a big grin and said, "mommy come back!!" I replied as I've told him many times, "Mommy always comes back!" He has stopped crying when I drop him off now, but he continues to happily tell me upon return, "mommy come back."

The sad realization was that, at some point, he must have thought I might not come back to get him. The most common question we get now from people is "when are you leaving for China?" I would bet that Carter has overheard these conversations enough to think that his mom and dad might be leaving, and he never knew when. To a toddler, days, weeks or months have no meaning. They live from mealtime to naptime to playtime without any concept of time. So any occasion when one of us would drop him off, he could have been wondering if that was the last time he'd see us, or at least for awhile. I'm thankful that he believes once again that we always come back to him. Yesterday he said out of the blue, "Mommy got to leave. Mommy al-vays come back."

Another big breakthrough over the last few weeks is that we began seeing a pediatric chiropractor/nutritionist who was recommended by several friends. This doctor is so knowledgeable...I could devote a whole post to what I've learned from her! But for the sake of brevity, I'll just share that she recommended a few changes to Carter's diet. Due to his limited food options resulting from his allergies, he had been eating a lot of Ritz crackers, Rice Krispies cereal, chicken fingers, etc. All these foods have an extremely large amount of high fructose corn syrup in them. This ingredient is often made up partly of mercury and is 5x the daily allowance. So basically Carter could have been taking in 20x the daily allowance, thus causing bursts of energy that transformed into irritation/anxiety/rage etc. (Think about how fidgety, highstrung, and agitated you can become when you've had too much coffee.) She also advised us to take him off as many processed and fortified foods as possible. Fortified foods often involve grains that have been stripped of all nutritional value and then "fortified" with various forms of "fake" vitamin B. Did you know that the base of these vitamin B ingredients is COAL???

I spent a fortune at Whole Foods buying new foods that could work with the doctor's recommendations. And I can say that Carter's behavior has improved tremendously since we began our weekly visits. He still has toddler tantrums and such, but the extreme aggression, rage, scratching/biting, mood swings have pretty much subsided.The doctor even said that Carter's food allergies may get better with the recommendations. (I'll have to explain more in a separate post.) She felt strongly that much of his behavior was due to his body reacting poorly to food, thus causing Carter to feel sick, hyper, etc., depending on what he had eaten.

I've taken so many more of your suggestions and implemented them...journaling Carter's day to find trends, getting amazing wisdom and advice from a child and family therapist, praying over him while he's asleep, the list goes on. I'll probably do another post with some basic findings and tips I've gathered through this process. I know there are many mommies who would love the info!

And finally, I've been reading two books to renew my perspective and encourage me in my role as a mother: A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming (thank you Joy for reminding me with your post that I had this book on my shelf!), and Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond. There are tons of helpful books out there... some I've read and some are on my shelf waiting to be studied. But God has also been gently reminding me to day by day ask Him for help. I can glean words of wisdom and parenting strategies from books and fellow moms, but He has equipped me to mother Carter, and He knows both me and my son more intricately than any resource possibly could. This revelation has been refreshing as I steadily push forward to grow in the most significant role I will ever have. And while we are very anxious to bring Grace home, I am cherishing the moments when it's just me and my little man. I know I'll look back on these days tenderly.