In His Arms

I remember the first time I heard Plumb’s song “In My Arms.” I was riding in my car on the way to class, 6 months pregnant, and as I listened to the lyrics, my eyes filled with tears. The song, written about the singer’s kids, speaks of her desire to protect them from the pain, lies, unfulfilled dreams, and disappointments of life. The words of the chorus are: “knowing clouds will rage in, storms will race in, but you will be safe in my arms; rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but you will be safe in my arms.” That song became my “anthem” as I prepared to welcome my son into this wonderful but fallen world.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to this song on my iPod when it dawned on me that the lyrics of this song are sweet but misleading. I cannot protect Carter from all things, no matter how tightly I embrace him. I can’t shield him from disease, natural disasters, freak accidents, and even cruel comments from peers. When the storms race in, I may not have any control over the situation, and I have no say in whether he remains in my arms or is taken to rest in his Maker’s arms. It dawned on me that maybe my job as Carter’s mother is not to guard him from the woes and trials of life but rather to equip him to face them head on with faith in a God who loves him infinitely more than I ever can.

I imagine it’s every mother’s desire to shelter her children, but are we doing them a disservice?

Do you remember elementary school gym class when the phys ed teacher would appoint two captains and tell them to choose their teammates? Do you remember watching uncomfortably as the group of students dwindled to the last remaining boy or girl? Perhaps you were that boy or girl. I certainly was never the first one (or the second or the third) selected. I remember feeling so self-conscious, my palms sweating, thinking that my reputation and the success of my entire life rested in the hands of those two captains.

Luckily, this practice seems to have subsided in gym classes. But has our society moved too far to the other extreme? Now, every player is the MVP. At a local high school, all students with a particular GPA or higher are considered Valedictorian. Tryouts for cheerleading squads and athletic teams result in everyone making it. Today’s parents are working hard to make everything fair and equal. In the process, they are denying their kids’ the opportunity to shine in an area and gain confidence in their talents. They are also prohibiting them from learning how to rebound from disappointment and develop perseverance.

In the July 2007 issue of Parenting magazine, I read an article entitled “Overprotecting your child?” by Dr. Perri Klass. She wrote, “We owe our children love and protection. We also owe them a certain amount of wisdom as they grow. It’s not our job to protect them so completely that they grow up without knowing disappointment, pain, fear, or frustration… above all, it’s our job to help them learn the lessons-even the slightly painful ones- that will give them the skills, defenses, self-knowledge, and sense of humor to cope with a world that contains risk and is not under parental control.”

Relinquishing control and allowing Carter the freedom to learn from painful lessons will probably be my biggest challenge. I am not talking about leaving him to the wolves; I just know I cannot protect him the way I want to, or in a manner that’s always in his best interest. Instead of promising him the world and setting him up for failure, I will need to teach him that dreams may not come true, some friends will not be forever, hard work may go unrewarded, justice will not always win out, unrequited love hurts, illness or disease may strike, and some lives will be taken prematurely. But in the midst of these painful experiences, the goodness of God is steadfast and sure.

Despite the inevitable pains of this life, we have hope because of Christ’s sacrifice of atonement. His blood takes away our sin and cleanses us. And we can look forward to that day when He returns. One of my favorite verses comes from Revelation 7:13-14: “Then one of the elders asked me, ‘These in white robes – who are they, and where did they come from?’ I answered, ‘Sir, you know.’ And he said, ‘These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; the have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’ Therefore, ‘they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

That is the most glorious image of hope I can imagine.

With this eternal perspective in place, I hope I can release Carter into God’s arms each day. This realization has changed my prayers, and this beautiful song by Danny Oertli has become my new “anthem.” He sang this song at our church (Mountain Brook Community Church) a couple of years ago when I was pregnant with our first baby (who is now in heaven), and the lyrics stuck with me. I encourage you to download it from iTunes and allow it to change your prayers as a parent.

God, grant me the strength to pray this!

“Thought You Should Know”

It started on the day you were born
I wanted you to have everything
Now it seems my conscience is torn
Between what I desire and what I believe

What kind of man would I be
If I didn’t pray for you what my father prayed for me

So I pray with all my heart that you will be broken, and a brokenness by god
And I pray that you will fall, and falling down you’ll stand up to rise above it all
I pray that God will break you as you grow
I thought you should know

As you walk down your winding road
Faith and hope will go a long way
You’ll learn all you need to know
That life is hard yet love remains

I wish you nothing but the best
So I am asking God to put you to the test

So I pray with all my heart that you will be broken, and a brokenness by god
And I pray that you will fall, and falling down you’ll stand up to rise above it all
I pray that God will break you as you grow
I thought you should know

I pray that God would break you as you grow
And I am with you every step along that road
I thought you should know

Celebrations!

On April 5th, my sister Courtney (Carter's aunt Coco) tied the knot with Ivan Wright. It was a beautiful ceremony and reception. I managed to carry out my matron of honor duties without making a fool of myself, and Carter somehow stayed up the entire afternoon and evening with the exception of two 20-minute naps. He was enthralled with all the commotion and excitement.

This past Saturday, April 12th, my inlaws (Carter's Gram Me and Grandad) celebrated tying the knot 40 years ago! In this day and age where marriages barely make it to the 10-year mark, it is quite a joy to witness a couple celebrate forty years of love and commitment to each other, to marriage, to God, and to their family.

Thank you to both couples for your testimonies of love, and congratulations!

Today, we also celebrate Carter's 11th week! Here are a few highlights from the last couple of weeks:

• At Carter's 2 month checkup, he weighed 13 lbs 11 oz and measured 24 1/2 inches, placing him in the 90th percentile for both weight and length. He had to get 4 shots at this appointment, which broke his mommy's heart, but he didn't cry for too long.
  
• This picture is of Carter with his 3rd?? cousin, Cece. Cece is my cousin Ashley's 7-month-old daughter. They have matching duckie outfits so we had to get a picture!

• The other day, while driving home from running errands, Carter began to fuss and cry. The times he cries most are when we're in the car and I can't do anything to comfort him. It's so hard to hear those cries and not pull over immediately. I decided to sing for him, and since he now loves "Old MacDonald Had a Farm," I launched into the song. Within seconds, he was silent. I could see in the mirror that he still had his bottom lip out and his eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't cry the rest of the way home. I sang about every animal I could think of to make the song last....I even included "mice...with a squeak squeak here." Hey, I'll do anything to stop my son's tears if I can help it.
• Carter attended his 1st playgroup last Friday. The mothers are wives of some guys I went to seminary with. Carter is by far the youngest, but he seemed to enjoy watching the "big kids."

• The day Carter got his shots, he ran a low fever that evening. I was holding him on the couch as he sucked on his pacifier and let out sad moans and cries. Again, I tried the tactic of singing. He immediately broke into an enormous, gum-revealing grin, causing his paci to drop out, and I felt like I was the best mom (and the best singer) in the world!
  
• His smiles are so big and contagious. The bathtub video I posted last month is now only a tiny glimpse of the big grin he loves to flash. Here is a video of him smiling and cooing. Unfortunately, every time I get out the camera, it distracts him so I can't ever capture the best smiles on video. I did, however, capture a very humorous look at the end of the video. I have no idea what caused it!

• This past month, we got the special treat of having my two childhood best friends from New Jersey come visit! Jen and her husband Blake were driving through Alabama on their way from Mississippi back to Pennsylvania where they are helping with the Barack Obama campaign. Then, Cara and her husband Graham were in town for a week performing with the Spamalot Broadway tour. It was such a joy to introduce them to Carter, and I loved catching up with them.
  

Jen, Blake and Carter
Me, Cara and Carter

We also got a visit from my sweet friend Kelley who now lives in Dallas. This picture is of my friend Susan, Kelley, Carter, and me. We miss you Kel! (Yes, I realize Carter has on his duckie outfit in practically every picture, but I want to get good use out of it before he grows more!) :)

We're still working on sleeping through the night, but that will happen soon enough. After all this celebrating, we're all bound to conk out eventually. Til then, I toast to family, friends, loving marriages, sweet memories, and catnaps!

Happy 2 Months, Carter!

Dear Carter,

I can hardly believe you’ve been here on this earth for two months! It’s gone by so quickly and yet I can hardly recall life without you in it.

You are growing rapidly. In the last month, you gained almost 3 pounds and added over 2 inches to your length! You are already outgrowing your 3-month clothes.

In the last few weeks, you have begun to coo and smile, and you are now attempting to laugh. You have just discovered yourself in the mirror on your playmat, and you seem to think you’re pretty funny! You love bathtime. You could spend hours in your papasan swing, and you like your pacifier most of the time. You cling to your lamb blankie when you sleep, and you seem to favor your right hand. You are fascinated by lights, enjoy staring out the window at the world, and become immediately entranced when you hear music. You like to kick your legs when you’re lying down and often try to stand on them when I am burping you. You hold your head up and steady for long periods of time and take in all that’s around you with your big blue eyes opened wide. You rarely cry, but when you do, you stick out your lower lip – I have to say, it’s adorable. Your acid reflux occasionally rears its ugly head, but you have become a champ at downing your medicine.

You have experienced many new events this month: you attended your first wedding, baby shower, and church service. You celebrated Easter Sunday. You took your first bottle and even slept through the night twice.

You are truly a good baby, Carter. As a first-time mother, I am very blessed to have a child as sweet-natured and calm as you while I continue adjusting to my new role. You definitely resemble your daddy with your even-keeled temperament.

Even days when motherhood (the scheduling of feedings, responsibilities, and unexpected challenges) seems stressful, I realize that I would rather make it through a stressful day with you in my life than to breeze through a carefree day without you in it. Your daddy and I love you more than we know how to express.

Happy 2 Months Son!

Love,
Mommy

Happy Easter!

Listening intently to Daddy reading the story of Christ's death on the cross and His resurrection.

Daddy and Carter
Mommy and Carter

The Easter bunny brought several swimsuits for upcoming trips to Lake Martin and a book "What is Easter?"

His hair still looks dark brown from the back, but it really looks blonde now from the front!

Our first Sunday back to church...Carter did really well and seemed to enjoy the praise music.

Bathtime and bunnies....

My Baby's First Easter pjs....
...complete with rabbit feet.


The Lord is risen indeed. Hallelujah!

Happy Easter to all of you!
Love, Scott, Kelley & Carter

Old MacDonald Had a Farm

Carter LOVES music. Yesterday, I was singing while burping him, and he began holding vowel sounds as if he was trying to sing too! (or he could have been trying to block out my off-key voice) But as you'll see in this video from his bathtime last night, even my silly voice can make him smile. I love it! :) His eyes get really big, he flashes his grin, and my heart melts. Don't you just want to eat him up???

P.S. I don't want to read any comments making fun of my singing. :)

MIA.....

Missing In Action
I realize that I have been MIA for over a week. With my sister moving in for the last month before her wedding, a few bridal showers at my house, being a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding this weekend, and all the preparations that go along with these exciting events, it has been busy at the Brown household. I actually assigned several new meanings to the acronym MIA to describe my life during the last 10 days. But first things first...while I have been missing in action, here are a few highlights since I last posted:

Carter smiling at his Gram Me on her birthday.


Carter is sleeping in the same bassinet that his Grandad (Scott's dad) slept in when he was a baby! The Browns have the bassinet at their house for when their grandson comes to visit.


These pictures show Carter pushing up and lifting his head. He pushed all the way up, but by the time I got my camera, he had lowered his head. However, he did hold this pose for longer than a minute! He is growing stronger every day and loves trying to hold his head up.




Carter has also started cooing. He does this particularly when he is lying on his Einstein activity mat. He has rolled from his tummy to his back three times! At his last appointment with the pediatrician, he weighed 10 lbs 12 oz (75th percentile) and measured 23 1/4" (90th percentile!).

Last Tuesday, Carter and I ventured out to the Iguana Grill for Girls' Night Out. He did very well! The noise didn't seem to bother him, and he was very entertained by the Mexican lights when he woke up. It was very cold that night, so I bundled him up . I am beginning to feel more comfortable taking him out and about.


Those parenting books are right on the money. Carter turned six weeks today and gave us his first "social" smile this morning, just as the experts predicted. He gave me a grin like I have never seen before, and I proceeded to spend the rest of today doing everything I could just to garner another million dollar smile.

Motherhood Induced Amnesia
I want to officially apologize to all of you whom I have failed to return calls or emails. Quite honestly, I just plain forget. On The Today Show last week, a segment highlighted this condition that new mothers suffer from. Experts said that this "momnesia" (so they have termed it) is hormone-related and affects the brain, causing difficulty in memory retention and recollection. So it IS real! I am not going crazy. Yes, I am sleep deprived. But my daily struggle to recall words and names throughout every conversation has been medically proven and verified. Meredith Veira reported that one mom forgot to pack any clothes for the baby when the family went on vacation. I do hope I won't make such a significant mistake, but feel free to give me reminders about anything and everything if you have any doubts or concerns. Chances are, they're legitimate. (And remember, so is momnesia.)

Making It Applicable
On a serious note, I have been continuing to make efforts to keep my priorities in the right order: God, Scott, Carter, etc. It's easy to grasp this concept in my mind, but I have a more difficult time translating it to my heart. And what exactly does this order look like in my daily life? If I spend more hours feeding and caring for Carter, how do I keep my Lord and my husband as my top two priorities? How do I make this important and crucial truth applicable to my life?

During the last couple of days, I have tried to use the nursing times to pray or read. I also realized that I could be going over Scripture memory cards during this time. This morning, I remembered some counsel that author Richard Foster gave for parents of infants in his book Prayer: "Rather than trying to pray in some fanciful isolation that you will never find, discover God in your times with your baby. God will become real to you through your baby. The times of play with your baby are your prayer. You may be able to pray during feeding time - this is especially true for nursing mothers - so sing your prayers to the Lord. In a few short months, you will be able to return to a more regular pattern of prayer." How liberating and encouraging!!!!

Scott and I try to spend at least five or ten minutes having a real conversation and discussing the events of the our days. He has been so supportive every step of the way (even in my "Veronica" moments), and I hope I can keep showing him that same commitment and love.

I would welcome any suggestions from other mothers on how you practically manage to keep Christ first in your life and your marriage before your precious child. It is easier said than done.

More In love All the time
Today I left Carter with my mom while I ran some errands to prepare for the wedding festivities this weekend and the shower at my house. Being away from my son for just a few hours made me miss him so much. As I held him upon returning home, I was overwhelmed with my love for this little boy. I fall more in love with him all the time. I know the Lord didn't have to bless us with a child, and I wouldn't have felt any less loved for that decision. But I do feel overwhelmingly grateful for this blessing. And I would be lying if I said I don't love Him any more for it.

Momzilla Takes Over

Yesterday afternoon, I took a nap with Carter. Somewhere between 4 and 6 pm, I slipped off cloud nine and awoke to find myself in the black hole of hormonal chaos and moodiness. The transformation was quick and dramatic. (Think Nikki and her altar-ego Jessica on the TV series Heroes.) My poor, unsuspecting husband arrived home to snappy remarks and sulky complaints. He gently took Carter into his arms and held him the rest of the night while I took my postpartum ugliness out on the birth announcement envelopes with my return address stamp.

Today seemed more promising with its fresh start. I awoke cheerful and enjoyed a leisurely morning drinking my coffee and playing with Carter. However, a line of events (insignificant to say the least) abruptly switched back on my mad-woman temperament. We'll call this altar-ego "Veronica."

Many people prepare you for pregnancy and for the actual delivery process, but it's hard to imagine the changes that occur after your little bundle of joy arrives. Expectations abound, and many turn out to be false. For instance, I knew it would take a while for my pregnancy weight to come off. However, it never dawned on me that my clothes would not fit for weeks to come. I shed 2/3 of my weight extremely quickly, and perhaps I got cocky and thought those 7 cookies a day wouldn't hurt me. :)

Until today, I have been content to roam the house in one of my three sweatsuits. My other uniform consists of my maternity jeans and a Target maternity shirt that could perhaps pass off as trendy with its empire waist. But with a bridesmaid luncheon, rehearsal dinner, and wedding two weeks from today, I thought I should try on some clothes to see what I could fit into.

BAD IDEA.

Tonight, I just about lost it as the following unfolded in less than 3 minutes...

- I discovered my 4 lb. maltese Sadie (now hereby known as the Little White Termite) chewing the doorframe

- the peace lily plant overflowed onto our dining room oriental rug as I watered it

- the oven timer beeped signaling dinner was ready (1st time I have cooked in four weeks)

- sweet Carter cried at the top of his lungs from his acid reflux (the Zantac is clearly not working 100%)

- I slipped on a rawhide chew bone and nearly busted it.

I anticipated motherhood to be a challenge, but it's different than I expected. Carter brings so much joy. It's juggling the rest of life that makes the transition difficult. And prior to having a child, I would normally be laughing from the chain of events described above. However, when you incorporate sleep deprivation and an "empty" clothes closet, minor details can seem monomental. All I can say is that if you call or visit and I mention Veronica's presence, hang up or run and check back with me later.