My Lil' Ladybug

This is a post I started almost 6 months ago!! I took some new pics of Grace in this dress a few days ago, and she looks so much bigger now! My lil' ladybug is growing up. And the dress actually looks cuter now because the tutu hits above her knees.

I had bought this gray dress at Target and then embroidered the ladybug on there, thanks to the idea from my friend Ashley Johnson. Ashley made one too for her daughter, Finley, who was waiting in China at the time. Now Finley is home with her family!! :)
While I sew, smock, and embroider from time to time, I'm not one to provide lots of crafty DIY projects. But this one was too great not to share. I got lots of comments from people who thought I'd bought it at a boutique.

You can totally do this if I did! Just pick out a dress or t-shirt at Target or Walmart. Then select an image to embroider. Because ladybugs are associated with China adoptions, Ashley had picked it (and I copied). We googled ladybug images, and I loved this whimsical design. I tightened the material in an embroidery hoop. Using a fabric pen that erases itself after a few days, I drew a sketch on the material. Then I just filled in the sketch lines with french knots, using 5 strands of thread for the pink, and 4 for the black. I did the antennas with a simple backstitch. And voila! You have a precious outfit that was super cheap to make.

Here are a few more pics, mainly showcasing Grace's funny expressions more than the dress. :)

Here are a couple of (bad, blurry) pics I took the other day. What happened to her chubby little cheeks and baby legs???

Happy embroidering! Send me a pic if you decide to make one. I would love to see your creations! I think I might do a dragonfly next?

Day by Day

The last few days have shown progress in bonding and promises of a beautiful mother-daughter relationship in bloom. Four memories stick out in my mind:

- Grace and Caroline were sitting side by side on the kitchen stools. I stood in the center, wrapped my arms around them, and kissed them each on the forehead. In a spontaneous act, Caroline reached up and kissed me on the cheek. This is the first time she has ever kissed me or spontaneously initiated affection!

- I dropped Caroline off at church where an older Chinese woman is discipling her each week. I watched from the car as she walked in, and she looked back at me no less than 6 times! There seemed to be such comfort in the fact that I was there watching over her rather than just dropping her off and driving away.

- Caroline and Scott were sitting down on the couch to watch the movie "Annie." (She saw the littles watching it earlier and was interested in it.) I was exhausted and announced that I was heading to bed. Her response was, "Awwww." Scott's eyes widened and he gave me a big thumbs up. Disappointed that I wasn't hanging out with her?? This was new! :)

- Beginning the first week we arrived home, Caroline asked continually to get her ears pierced. We didn't want to give her too much right off the bat, so we told her she could get her ears pierced when she finished all the levels of the Rosetta Stone English program. So last night, we celebrated her milestone with this:

And as we walked around the mall afterwards as a family, she had a beautiful smile and a look of pure joy. I don't think it was just because of her new earrings. I think she realized that we keep our promises. That I hold her hand when it hurts. That Scott and I are just as giddy when she is happy, and that a Friday night at the mall with her family is fun because we all enjoy being together.

In a post last week, I mentioned our realization of Caroline's lack of cause and effect knowledge. While this is common in adopted kids, I somehow didn't anticipate dealing with this issue. Shame on me! I have to admit that this problem has begun to annoy/scare/frustrate me because occurrences happen on a daily basis and I have no idea how to prevent them. It can be something as silly (and gross) as Caroline picking up a can of carbonated milk (a Chinese drink) from the day before, and taking a swig of it. (She had left it in the car and, you would think, would realize the milk had soured. The littles even recognize when their sippy cups have old juice/milk in them and will not take a sip.)

Or it can be as potentially dangerous as what happened on the soccer field Thursday night. Carter had his first soccer practice. The field was FULL of kids, parents, and coaches, as the league has tons of teams sharing the area. Scott gave one of the soccer balls a gentle kick to head it back in the direction of Carter's team. Caroline said, "No daddy!" And then proceeded to kick the ball with full force. Let me remind you that were in a field FULL of people. The ball went flying and nailed the leg of a dad! The dad was very understanding, and we were thankful the ball hit him and not the head or body part of a 3-year-old. But we were mortified!

In one other instance, the littles were swimming in our inflatable pool outside. Caroline ran up behind Grace, scooped her up, and threw her into the pool! Grace landed on her back and head on the hard bottom! She could have been seriously injured, and she was scared to death!

So you see, the issue is never that Caroline is trying to cause trouble or be mean. All of her actions are out of a quest for fun or simply out of ignorance. She has a really bad habit of just darting out in to parking lots after exiting the van. She doesn't think through the consequences, some of which should just be common sense, and thus many of the situations have been potentially dangerous. I am not sure how to correct this behavior because what I certainly don't want to do is discourage her from playing with the kids, touching anything, or having any fun. But I have no idea how to stay one step ahead of her. I am looking through my adoption books and have posted my concern to an adoption yahoo group I'm a member of. But I welcome suggestions and insight from anyone - adoptive parents or not. I'll also do a follow-up post with the information I find. Parents soon to adopt older kids....just keep in mind that this can be an issue.

Some of the best advice I received this week came from Caroline's pediatrician (Dr. Amy McCollum) who is also a college classmate of Scott's. She and her family adopted a little boy from Africa a couple of years ago, so she is familiar with adoptive issues. This is what she wrote to me in an email yesterday, and it spoke to my heart:

"I know you are already doing this, but just taking it day by day is probably the best approach. Being loving, consistent, and present every day, praising her when you see little blips of the character traits you are hoping she will embody as she grows into a young lady - these are the same things any parent can do to guide their "tweens".

Trust God's choice for her as your daughter and you as her mother - I know you already do this, but there might be days you have to choose this willingly."

I've been so focused on the "end" result, and what milestones that I need to help Caroline reach, that I've become discouraged or overwhelmed at times. The concept of taking it day by day right now is so simple and wise. So that's my new motto: "day by day."

Kentucky Darlings

Scott took Carter and Grace to Kentucky last weekend for his cousin's wedding while I stayed at home with Caroline. The littles' Aunt Noelle took these adorable photos!

First Day of School for the "littles" and Caroline's Poster Project

They were all about the sillies this morning.

Sometime during the last month, I've apparently adopted a habit of calling Carter and Grace the "littles." And today was (finally!) their first day of school! Carter was so excited, and our house was bustling with even more energy and enthusiasm because they had their two great friends to get ready with!! Due to the storms, many people in our city are(were) without power. So the Giffens joined us last night for dinner and, in Carter's words: a sleepover!

Lia Kate and Virginia Grace

Starting next week, parents drop the kids off in the carpool. But for the first couple of days, we all walk them into their rooms. Both kiddos were eager to meet their new teachers. This was Grace's first day of real school (versus Mother's Day Out).

Carter walked right into his room with a big grin. Grace did the same, carrying her bag on her shoulder and walking with such confidence across the room to one of the teachers whom she looked up at and gave the sweetest smile as if to say, "I'm here!"

I don't remember if I've mentioned it here on the blog before, but Grace has never said goodbye to me or blown me a kiss or shown any emotion whatsoever whenever I've left her at church or at Mother's Day Out last year. She wouldn't cry, and she would have the best time while I was gone. But I could tell that she had some hesitations or fears. Maybe because church and nursery settings most resemble orphanages. She would never act this way when I left her with a babysitter or dropped her off at her grandparents' house. Last year, I knew she was fine. But somber expressions and silence coming from a highly verbal and expressive child were disconcerting at each and every drop off.

Today, I was astonished and delighted to hear Grace call out to me, "Bye Momma!" I know this might seem like a silly milestone, but I believe it's a huge one! For Grace and for her mommy. :)

Two cute sayings from Carter on our way home this afternoon:

Telling a story from last school year: "Once upon a time, my teacher..."

"Daddy, I had a race on the playground today and I was the fastest in all the WORLD!!"

In other Brown kid news, our 5th grader is student of the week! This honor means you help the teacher with special responsibilities and showcase your interests and life with a poster. Caroline has had such a great time working on the poster project this evening. And unlike her timeline assignment a few weeks ago where she didn't want to share anything about China or her new family (presumably because it highlights her recent status as an orphan which carries such a stigma in China), she was very excited to include pictures and quotes of said details. She has been growing in curiosity about Jesus and the Christian faith, and I love that she drew this angel. I am in awe of her artistic talents! I chuckled when I read that she considered herself a fat kid, and I teared up that she included the first picture I ever saw of her.

When the poster was almost completed and we were translating some phrases, Caroline and I suddenly heard a strange sound...like water spilling. We looked down and saw... our dog Jackson PEEING ON HER POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I'm totally and unbelievably serious. We jumped up, me scooping up Jackson and throwing him onto the tile floor, and Caroline yanking up her work of art to allow the urine to slide off her oh-so-pretty angel sketch. The accident didn't ruin the poster too much. (It did mess up one her pictures from China.) And we were both able to laugh. But Jackson sure didn't gain any brownie points with Caroline on that one. He's in the doghouse tonight!

Here's the finished product!

And here are some close ups:

Not sure if you can read the yellow, but it says, "I have family in China." This is picture of Caroline at age 6 or 7 (?) with her foster mom.

So what's your favorite part of the poster?

And there she was...

Let me begin by offering my deepest apologies for totally leaving you hangin'. I know I don't have any excuses. But here are the activities that have kept us buzzing about.

Caroline is still loving school, but we've spent many hours on homework since I have to translate so much for her. Her English continues to improve, but we still have a long way to go. I won't lie...I do get discouraged some days when we can't communicate and the translator can't quite convey our meanings. I long to have a conversation with her in which we can maintain eye contact, read each other's tone, and express moods through facial expressions.

I was grateful to have my mom come in town for a week to help with the kids, and especially to work her magic in my yard. She has a much-coveted green thumb, while mine must possess poison. I manage to destroy everything I touch. She helped me weed, prune, trim, plant and spread stones, pebbles, and pine straw. Thank you Mom! (And thanks Dad for flying her down!)
Carter and Grace begin school on Wednesday, and I do believe we are the last preschool in town to start. Carter begs to go to school EVERY day. He is so excited that the big day is drawing near at last. He'll attend school 3 days, and Grace will go 2 days a week. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to having some free hours to myself throughout the week! We can finally get into a routine, and I can finally get organized.

I truly have felt like I'm living in survival mode the last couple of months. It's an understandable place to be at first when a new child is added into the family. But people eventually start to think you're flaky when you take days (and sometimes weeks) to respond to emails and phone calls. And forget birthdays and birthday parties (that are marked on your calendar). And use words or phrases that make no sense. Or better yet, when you just break off in mid-sentence because you can't remember what you were going to say. My friends and family (and sweet blog readers) have been very patient with me. Xie Xie!! (Thank you.)

I have at least organized my list of projects and activities to enjoy during my spare time. Because I'm never too busy to make a list. In no particular order, here are my foci: (or "focuses," as I first typed and then stared at with confusion)

1. Get back to exercising 3x/week like I did pre-China trip...I had so much more energy!

2. More time reading my beloved books

3. Write more

4. Blog regularly

5. Be more intentional about learning Mandarin (taking lessons and doing Rosetta Stone)

6. Work on photography skills

7. Spend at least one day a week in deeper Bible study (using commentaries and all the amazing resources that I insisted on purchasing after seminary but have neglected since becoming a mom)

These things might make me sound overly ambitious, but they are not busywork. These pursuits bring me joy. And I'm giddy just thinking about it all!

In addition to my ongoing activities, here are my short-term projects:

1. Caroline's Gotcha Day video

2. Blog redesign (we're talking major overhaul)

3. Print all pics from China and organize into photo albums

Grace and Caroline are doing so well together now. They still get sassy with each other, but that's what sisters do. They have little games they play together. And Caroline's favorite way to play with her siblings is to sit on the back of the tricycle and pedal with her sister or brother sitting in front.

Exhibit A:
You might notice the scrapes on Caroline's leg. Two weeks ago, she had a little bike accident. And it wasn't on this bicycle.
She was playing outside with her cousin and decided to try out MK's bike while MK was getting more basketballs. Mary Katherine walked out of the garaged to see Caroline flying down the driveway. I don't think she had ever ridden a bike before, and she crashed into the fence. She had scrapes and gashes all up the left side of her body, and even on her right arm. She never cried, and even had a hard time letting me comfort and pamper her that evening. I finally translated that I just wanted to be her mommy and to comfort her but that she was pushing me away. I told her I was there to help her. She softened after that, but she still remained pretty stoic and independent all week with the exception of allowing Scott and I to help bandage her wounds.

One thing we've learned about Caroline (and had read in cases of other adopted children) is that she doesn't have a sense of danger or caution. She even gets too rough when playing with the kids because she doesn't seem to know how to control her energy. She doesn't understand linear thinking or consequences. For example, last night she was lying in her grandfather's hammock. She kept swinging it, and I warned her it would flip. She said (with a little bit of annoyance) that she was being careful. A few seconds later, after some efforts to swing higher, the hammock flipped and dumped her onto the ground. I could tell she was embarrassed. We know that we really have to monitor her more closely. In time, I suppose those instincts and perception of risks will kick in. (Insight from some experienced parents of older adopted kids??)

Over the last few weeks, Caroline and I have had some very difficult days. Realistic expectations prepare the mind, but nothing prepares your heart for the moments of rejection, mistrust, and hurtful comments. I've shed some tears and even wanted to throw her backpack at her one morning when I dropped her off at school. But I'll say that I have not once wavered in our decision to adopt an older child. I have not once thought we made a mistake or questioned God about His plan for our family. Sometimes my heart wells up with love for my new daughter. Even following moments of discord when I should feel anything but the warm and fuzzies. That's been proof enough to me that the Holy Spirit is working in my heart and supplying all my needs.

I know that much of her behavior is normal for a tween. But when you don't already have a foundation of trust, a history of intimacy, a knowledge of personality and character, a treasure of fond memories from childhood, it's challenging as a mother to discern the root of the behavior. We're still getting to know our daughter, and it's like asking, "Will the real Caroline LiYun please stand up?" Mothers and daughters typically have a strong bond before the hormones and mood swings ever hit.

Several weeks ago, Caroline opened up to me about her life in China. For three hours, she typed on google translate and shared stories and truths with me, some which were difficult to digest. Contrary to my assumptions, she did not have a happy family life in her foster home. Her honesty allowed me insight into her perception of parents and her lack of experience in a true mother-daughter relationship. It helped me to see why she is so independent and finds it strange that I want to help. She also shared that she had never been told "I love you" before we spoke those life-giving words to her. In her 12 years of life, she had not once been told that she was loved. Or treasured. Or wanted. She explained that it is because of her background that she has to "consider so much." And why she finds it hard to trust others. You expect as much from orphans, but the hard realities are mind-boggling and devastating when you are face-to-face, looking into the eyes of the affected child. Will you join me in praying that Caroline will soon trust Jesus as her Lord and Savior and that He will perform a miraculous work of restoration and healing in the depths of Caroline's heart and the dark corners of her psyche?

In addition to at least trusting me enough to open up, some sweet and positive signs of bonding have been Caroline's new routine of seeking me out (if I'm not in the family room) to hug me goodnight and turning back to smile at me as she walks into school.

Carter and Grace have always been best buds. But lately, they've been really sweet together. They pretend to head to school or work, and they set up offices on different sides of the room. And then the conversations go like this:

Carter: Bye Grace! I'm going to work! See you later!

Grace: Bye GuhGuh! I love you! Have a good day! (blows a kiss)

Carter: Okay!! I will miss you!

A few minutes later...

Grace: I'm coming home now!

Carter: Me too! Hey Grace. I really missed you today (hugging his sister).

Grace: I missed you too! Okay, time to go to work again!

And once again, I've rambled. That's what happens when I cram three weeks worth of updates into one post. To conclude, I want to share one last story. It is a year ago today that I saw Caroline's face for the first time!

You can read the full story and timeline here. I am still in awe at how everything unfolded. I remember opening the advocacy email from my agency and immediately being taken with an 11-year-old girl, having just told my close friend that I wanted to adopt a child that age (years down the road, of course!). All weekend, I stared at her picture and description with this strange feeling that she was mine. Having only been home with Grace for four months, everyone laughed, scoffed, or simply humored my declaration that we would adopt her. But nothing could stop God's incredible plan for our family. Not even my own doubts and fears. And now I am staring at this beautiful girl across the room in our home!!

I just ran over to Caroline after typing the last paragraph to tell her about the importance of today. She gave me the sweetest smile I've seen in a while. Just maybe she'll fall asleep tonight feeling special, desired, and loved. A precious moment to celebrate, dear friends!! :)

Happy Labor Day weekend!!

Many Firsts

What a crazy week it has been! First of all, I loved reading all the responses about Caroline's dream. Of course, we'll never fully know the meaning. But my foremost thought is that God was saying, "It doesn't matter how short or tall you are.... as long as you grow up always facing the sun/Son." Regardless of the meaning, it was so encouraging to see Caroline so excited and intrigued by God. She didn't care as much about what He said as she did about having a dream about Him. He is working!

Since my last post, there have been lots of "firsts" in our family. Last weekend while at Lake Martin, Carter transformed from a fearful boy who could barely stick his face in the water to a brave and adventurous swimmer who leaped off the dock (with a life jacket, of course) and swam around to the ladder as if he'd been swimming for months! It was unbelievable to watch. I think all the instructions and instincts just finally clicked together, and he realized he could control himself in the water.

Carter and cousin Tripp

Another first was the meeting of Caroline and some family from Mobile and Fairhope.

Lily (who is also 12) and Caroline hit it off and especially bonded over jumping off the upper deck ledge! It was really cute to watch them hold hands, take deep breaths, prepare to jump, and then giggle when neither of them took the plunge. We'd have to count to ten several times before they'd actually jump.

Carter and Grace continue to idolize their big sister. The two girls still have daily spats, but I guess that's what you get with sisters.

Part of the issue has been that Grace has become extremely clingy with me and will yell at Caroline if she tries to help her when Grace only wants me. Then Caroline gets made and begins antagonizing her. I know that Grace is feeling insecure and jealous, and many of her abandoment issues come from her subconscious (thus awaking her numerous times each night). And I know that giving her affection and love is what she needs more than discipline (although there has to be balance.) But it's hard not to just get mad and want to lock her in her room for an hour. (Which is what you're told NOT to do with an adopted child!) I have to pray hourly for patience!! At the same time, Grace can be such a cutie. Lately, she's been standing on the fireplace to perform, saying "Ladies and GIRRRLLLLSS!!!!!" with a sweeping arm gesture. Then she'll lean forward and whisper, "Clap your hands."

Grace and Cece listening to Justin Beiber on Caroline's iPod

Speaking of entertainment, Carter caught a TV clip of JP proposing to Bachelorette Ashley. When he asked what was happening, I said they were going to get married. (I guess we'll see. LOL) Anyway, he ran to get dressed "just like that guy on TV." And he informed me that he was going to get married. When I asked who the lucky bride was, he said, "Mommy!" I was delighted! He put on his "suit" and ran outside to get a flower to put on his lapel. No roses in the backyard, but a pink snapdragon worked just fine.

Oh the details he picks up on! I melted when he took my hand, smiled intently up at me, and walked us forward singing, "Duhhh duh-duh dah!!" He later referred to me as his "married girl."

Caroline had her first day of homeschooling last Thursday. She had expressed interest in staying home with me for a couple of months, and we were going to focus mostly on her learning English. I worked out lesson plans until November, when we planned for her to begin 5th grade.

Just an FYI to all of you parents who are using Google Translate...it's not as accurate as I thought! I had translated a few chapters from The Jesus Storybook Bible and then thought I should translate the translation to make sure it was correct. Well, let me advise you to leave out any type of metaphor or analogy. One sentence translated back as "God is a kitten who chases her tail." The original statement was that you can learn about God in the way a kitten chases her tail. (I know.... you need the context of the chapter to understand.) I had also typed out a brief version of my testimony. I had written that I understood my life had not been as difficult as hers but that I had experienced pain and loss as well as redemption and restoration through God. I was horrified to see that my sentence was translated back as "My life has not been bad because your life has been." OH MY GOODNESS!!! Totally not what I said! So to make a long story short, I had to keep reworking the English sentences, translating them, copying and pasting the Chinese into the translator, and then seeing how it translated back to English. It was a long process.

While I enjoyed teaching Caroline on Thursday, she had decided just days before that she actually wanted to go to school. But we were worried about her just sitting in class all day and not understanding anything or having any way to communicate with her teacher. Well, Thursday morning, the ESL teacher called and gave us some information (that would have been helpful weeks ago). They proposed giving Caroline an iPad to have at her desk so she could use Google Translate. They had also placed another Chinese student in her class who already knows some English. And on top of that, they placed some other kids from the summer ESL camp so that Caroline would have some familiar faces. So, we went up to the school and let her peek in her class and look around. It was an amazing blessing that a girl she had met recently and clicked with was also in her class! So Friday morning, my girl had her first day of "real" school, as she called it.

She loved it!! We'll see how she feels after this whole week. But I think she'll pick up on English faster. And I also think she'll be more motivated to learn the language as she makes friends. My cousins, Leigh Ann and Ashley, have been wonderful as they've helped me navigate the carpool lines, had their own 5th graders (Mary Katherine and Tate) walk Caroline into school, advise me from backpacks to clothing trends, and been prayer warriors and encouragers each day. I couldn't have made it through Friday without them, as it was a huge change to jump into with less than 12 hours to plan. I am really thrilled for Caroline and admire her courage. But I will say I'm sad when I look at all the work I had put into her lesson plans and think of the time we would have spent together. However, Caroline is very social and independent. In some ways, we may bond faster having time apart becaues she'll see me more as a refuge when she comes home from school vs. the teacher/mom/disciplinarian that she can't escape from.
Another thank you goes to my sweet friend Susan who watched Carter and Grace for me ALL day Thursday as I homeschooled and then spent the afternoon visiting the elementary school and finishing Caroline's registration. She had four kids on her hands!

I am rushing to finish this and Grace is trying to type too, so I have no idea how many typos are in this post. Oh well....more to come soon. I'm finally getting my act together! Thanks for your patience!

Interpretation of Dreams

Yesterday, Caroline and I discussed the potentially discouraging news that she is 97% done growing , according to doctors. And she is very petite. In the midst of the conversation, I suggested that she could pray to God for growth. In China, she often said, "When I grow up, I want to be tall." So I knew she would be brokenhearted to hear that she may only be 4'10". Since we haven't had very many discussions about God yet, I had to explain that God answers prayers and performs miracles. But sometimes He doesn't answer prayers the way we want them answered because He has a more perfect plan for our lives. However, He does care about every concern or desire of our heart. So she could pray to God, even if she wasn't sure what she believed yet, and she could tell Him her deepest desires.

This morning, she woke up and immediately wanted my attention to Google Translate. She asked whether I had ever dreamed about God. I told her that I had. And she said aloud in English, "He said.." and typed, "As long as you grow up always facing the sun." I felt goosebumps as I believe that God could very well have spoken to her. I am not sure how to interpret the dream...maybe sun was really "Son." Maybe sun was translated from "light" which is often used as a parallel to God. Either way, she seemed very encouraged.

Ironically, Carter spent last night at the lake with Grand Mary and Papa and watched "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." If only Joseph were here now to interpet Caroline's dream! For fun, what is your interpretation of her dream? How would you understand what she heard in her sleep??