Unexpected Conversations...and Ones I Wish We'd Have

LiYun has initiated some good conversations and shared some interesting tidbits, although we have a long way to go as far as her being open with us. The last couple of days have been full of ups and downs. Yesterday (Friday) was our last day in Nanning before we flew out to Guangzhou for the second portion of the trip. LiYun seemed subdued all day but would force smiles when I glanced at her. I would ask if she was sad, and she would adamantly deny it. But I could tell that so much was going through her mind.

LiYun's best friends

David (our guide) told us that when he had driven LiYun's two friends home the night before, they shared that LiYun was one to be happy all the time and laugh a lot but had some sadness or conflict in her heart. They said that she doesn't cry very much and is very private about what she's really feeling. So as I expected, she has some walls up. I have continually reassured her that it's okay to be sad, it's expected to miss her foster parents, and she won't disappoint me by experiencing those emotions. But I feel like I may smother her or push her away if I tell her these things too many times right now. So I'm praying for other ways to support her and encourage her.

On the way to the airport, I took her hand. For about 15 minutes, she gripped my hand, squeezing it tighter when we'd hit a bump and my hand would naturally move away. But then suddenly, she pulled her hand away quickly and said, "Hot!" I was then left wondering if I should have tried to hold her hand in the first place. Part of the rollercoaster the last couple of days has been my own struggles with doubting myself. I am reminding LiYun to be open and honest with her thoughts. And yet, I confess to feeling disappointed when she remotely reveals the very emotions I'm encouraging her to share. Several moments, I've begun taking her distance personally and have had to fight back the false notions that she is rejecting me as her mother.

Fortunately, LiYun perked up when we got on the plane. This was her first flight, and her giddiness was contagious. As we lifted off, she said once again, "Mommy, I am very very happy." I can definitely tell that today was better, and that we're getting more comfortable with each other and with the sometimes awkward silences. I've been encouraging her to practice her English more, and she's doing a great job! The electronic translator is still giving funny translations, but we're discovering LiYun is also clever and witty. For example, while Carter was throwing a temper tantrum, she wrote something that translated as "Carter calls kill pig same." Translation of translation....Carter's crying fits sound like a pig when he's being slaughtered. Ha! I told her I was thankful that she could bring humor to the situation.

I forgot to mention that LiYun's foster parents were very grateful for the gifts we had brought them. And then they got out parasold and Chinese fans to give the kids. I know they don't have much, so this was such a generous and sweet offering.

Today, someone in our group (there are nine Lifeline agency families here in Guangzhou) asked LiYun about her American name. I reminded her that she could choose whether to be called Caroline or LiYun. And I also added that we could call her LiYun as a nickname if she chose Caroline. Her exact translated response was, "Caroline. When in Rome, do as Romans do." Very clever. And surprising! I assumed she would keep LiYun. I also saw on the first page of the diary notebook she showed me that she had written in "Caroline LiYun Brown." It was a journal we sent a few months ago in a care package, and we had shared her name in the letter. I thought it was so neat that she had written in her new name months ago.

Speaking of names, LiYun discovered today that she has another name: Zhu. We were given a copy of the birthnote that she was found with. To be honest, we were a little disappointed that the birthmother had not written more. The note consisted only of LiYun's birthdate and a Chinese character "zhu." David and the orphanage director that Zhu was LiYun's given name before she was abandoned. I shared the note with LiYun today...she had never seen it before. And she immediately said, "My name is Zhu?" She didn't seem overly affected by the note. I told her it was very special to have a note from her birthmom and that she could talk to me if she ever wanted to discuss her biological parents with anyone.

LiYun before her first flight!

Keeping a diary is one tidbit that LiYun spontaneously shared. She also asked me a question today out of the blue. That question was whether we were going to adopt an orphan again. I told her that Daddy and I talk about it, and that I'd love to come back for a boy. She said she very much wanted us to adopt again, and that she specifically hoped for a brother of the age 11. Put in this crazy conversation I didn't think would happen so soon, I also told her that I hoped to have another baby. She seemed excited by that idea too. But she vocalized her disappointment when I told her that we wouldn't be adopting again for at least two more years.

Some prayer requests:

- Carter has had A LOT of fits. We're talking screaming, crying, hysterical, almost panicky tantrums. We can't always pinpoint what the trigger is. We know that he thrives on routine and predictability. And that is NOT what this trip is. Add on jet lag, strange places and smells, new foods, a new sibling, and all kinds of changes, and you can get one cranky and moody child. But his fits are so often that LiYun wrote, "Why is Carter always angry?" When he's behaving and sweet, he is a doll. He likes for LiYun to hold him or play "monsters." But I think his crazy fits are disconcerting to her as well. I know they are to me!

- Grace and LiYun have both developed colds. Our hotel room in Guangzhou is so humid that the sheets and clothes laying out feel damp. Please pray that God would keep all of us healthy.

- Grace hasn't seemed to experience any sort of stress or anxiety over being in China again. But I can tell she is jealous. I can see that she craves my full attention and resents LiYun for stealing some of it. Please pray that she will warm up to LiYun again and shower her with love and affection.
- Please pray that God would continue to lead me in how to comfort LiYun. I need to know when it's okay to just let her be and when I should step in and hug her or start talking with her.

- Pray for LiYun's heart, that she would be able to process all that's happening and that she would feel at ease talking with me or simply leaning in for hugs when she feels most vulnerable.

Sweet Noelle didn't get into too many pictures because she was behind the camera. She flew out this morning for home, and we miss her already!

Thank you! More details to come tomorrow...My eyes have closed three times while trying to finish up this post.